Responses to Sexual Assault

On Monday, the entire Sacred Heart community received an email informing them of the report of a sexual assault by a student. When I read it, I cringed, for more than one reason. Sexual assault and rape are some of the most traumatic things an individual will ever have to deal with. It stays with the affected individual for their entire life, and nothing can undo that after the fact. But already I was preparing myself for the ignorant comments I knew I was going to hear as my peers started to discuss what happened.

My perceptions and opinions on rape were fundamentally changed last spring when I took an intro to sociology class. We were assigned a reading dealing with the frequency of rape cases reported in fraternity houses, and had to write a reflection afterwards. My own reflection wasn't anything particularly special; I wrote about how it was generally horrifying and needed to be corrected, but that it didn't really resonate personally with me because I had never been raped and didn't know anyone who had been. I wrote that I didn't feel particularly threatened because I generally don't put myself in "dangerous" situations like that. My professor, who I now admire greatly, came in next class after reading our reflections and was furious at what we'd written. We spent the rest of the class learning about the effects of living in a rape culture that perpetuates victim-blaming.

Girls: think of all the rules you've learned to stay "safe" when you are going out. We've all heard them: stay with your friends. Don't leave your drink unattended. Watch the way you dress. These so-called rules reinforce one message: that women can "protect" themselves from being raped. Thus, if a woman gets raped, it must be because she failed to protect herself adequately.

But who is actually responsible for rape? Rapists.

I am tired of hearing people say it is all or at least "a little bit" of the victim's fault - she shouldn't have been at that party, she shouldn't have been drinking, she shouldn't have been dressed a certain way, she shouldn't have agreed to go home with those two guys. None of that is an excuse for the rapists' decision to take advantage of this girl.

I will never forget what my sociology professor told us: "You cannot get raped until someone rapes you." You can be falling down drunk, you can be naked, you can be in a bad part of town: none of that gets you raped. Rape only occurs when a rapist makes a decision to engage in sexual activity without consent. You can get raped wearing any type of clothing, in any location, and in fact women are mostly likely to get assaulted by someone they know, not a stranger. Individuals who are drunk cannot give their consent.

I am not telling anyone to not take care of themselves. I am not saying that making risky decisions is a good idea. I am not telling anyone to not be as safe as possible. I am saying that nothing can excuse rape. It is illegal, and victim-blaming only misses the true root of the problem. I am only saying this - the only "rule" about preventing sexual assault, the only way it will ever stop, is teaching don't rape.